A week ago, in the middle of our constitution’s birthday – 120 years of bliss – which he of course didn’t see fit to celebrate* the king was rolling out the pork down at Eden. At a woodchip mill, in a land of apples. There’s a by-election coming up so he’s makin’ promises and manufacturing a miracle or two. Well, one young cub reporter dared to ask him if he was in fact ‘barreling the pork’ along with the apples. Well, the king had an anuerism; outraged he was and overcome with grief at the offence the question caused to those poor souls ravaged by bushfires – remember them? The ones that occurred while the king was holidaying in Hawaii?

Anyway, after chawin’ out the cub he launched into a tirade of worthless promises to his people down in the garden of Eden … Promised this and promised that and promised a bit more of all the world has to offer. He didn’t know that an election was coming up he said.

Post porkies, when pushed by the lion, he did have to say that the pork for the woodchippers was kinda conditional … Kinda. Depends whether they fell over his line or not. And, said he, he wouldn’t be able to guarantee whether their pork was salted until he’d demockratically consulted with his boys (lockouts being expensive) … Which will not be until a few weeks after the election …

Outraged he was. Had no idea there was an election coming up, the cheek!

*Our wonderful constitution by the way, only had the ‘approval’ of some percentage of the 25% of Aussies who were eligible to vote back then. No women, no territories, no WA and no aboriginals – most definitely worth preserving for another 120 years ain’t it?

‘Take chances … All human progress is the result of gambling – the first man to use a bow and arrow was gambling with his life that it would work.’ – Bob Birdseye.