“No wisdom greater than an elected MP!” So says the King … Bridg, being an MP, has operated in the highest of all interests – her own. Her own being of course, the interests of her party … which is after all what really matters. The King says that MPs, politicians, are so very much better at judging just who it is that public money should be doled out to than any democratically misguided panel of supposed experts. These ‘experts’ aren’t in on the secrets of good government. The King says, that once you’ve elected your MP, then its just tough titties if their discretions don’t appear to be in your best interests; because just like their perceived corruptions, they are! It’s not possible, so says the king, for ‘laymen’ to make informed judgements when they’re not in on the secrets.

Why? Well he says, because discretionary powers as broad as the divine mind are the key to good governance. Just look at the way Pistol Pete has cleaned up his little piece of heaven, and what’s more, … Yes, what’s more is, that no one’s complaining. Imagine, if everytime a minister had a grand idea that she’d have to inform anyone of it, or – the King’s God forbid – she’d actually have to run it through a parliament! Ha ha ha, not bloody likely. Neoliberal politicians are not going to get their dreams fulfilled – though they’ll be sure to collect their pensions – through ‘process’ .. especially not democratic process.

You know, despite all the King’s jumbled reasons for his God’s recent wanton acts of destruction in the land of his people, this is actually the closest the King’s come to laying out the fundamentals of his idealogy. Wisdom, while perhaps not quite so bright as when being dealt out of a nuclear submarine, is still good and true when dealt out by a LNP politician … Especially when one can manage to keep it a secret. Only problem is, that these damned neoNats – these hangers on – just can’t keep secrets. They’re just too proud of the miracles they’re delivering up to their people not to shout it out to the world. Secrets however, as the Kings says (he’s calling it broad discretion, today) have always been the fundamental rule when it comes to maintaining the blind faith of a flawed character base … When it comes to maintaining a good old fashioned rule by fear of law, then secrets make the King’s world go around. … And around and around. Secrets are the food of joy for a happy unconcerned population.

“Miracles …they are not a distinct class of events, but rather a class of stories, possibly used for ulterior motives and are defined by the perspective of relatively ignorant people who believe them. They reproduce a representation to some other truth in a language suited to the incomplete understanding of their audience.” – Matthew Stewart.

… The king appears to be saying, that once we exercise our so called unalienable right – our vote – on that one day every four years that the king calls Democracy, then thats it! That’s our lot, now we have a supremely entitled parliamentary representative to guide us appropriately through our little worlds. No matter whether our MP chooses to meander off into Hawaiian sunsets, trip the light fantastic with stolen water equities, fake black men or, indeed, exercise this thing; this divinely inspired discretion which suddenly catapults a bored, and possibly once honest farm gal or maybe even a failed marketing man or corrupt lawyer, into the realms of ministerial infallibility, well, that – the king maintains – is a fundamental of draconian demockracy … Ministerial Discretions. And they’re here to stay.

Of course, us ordinary plebians are out here running around like hampsters screaming blue murder and corruption without any real understanding of the nature of the kings things. This, the king says, is how it must be – its a very nasty business this looking after the future and its really not for us ordinaries, us tax paying limpits, to concern ourselves with. That, the king professes, is the job of politicians … Our job is to keep the cash flowing into the king’s endlessly empty coffers, for the future of our children – its platonic in a laughing into one’s armpit sort of way. Its the kings fundamental ideology and it’s lesson one for us in this year of the rats …

Speaking of rats, say, aren’t we proud as punch, as a nation I mean, that we’ve been able to save our king some of his hard won dosh by crying poor and tricking the free world into paying for the acts of his awful God! What’s this called? Charity crowdfunding? Another little piece of the future and very generous of the rest of the world to come to our aid, too. I’m going to imagine that soon we’re all going to be told that this is precisely the way that we should seek the funds to pay our taxes with in the future. Keep the Lucky Country rich by crying poor to the rest of the world. Ain’t it funny though, today, the King’s now saying there’s plenty of spare dosh floating around and all these so called sporting associations should shut the F up and simply reaply! ‘Jeezus shit,’ ya can hear the King sighing, ‘that was only the first round of government approved incentives, electioneering gifts’ – a trial of due discretion – and with another ‘election’ coming (as they always do in democracies) … Ya just reaply and wait ya turn. That friends, and subjects, is the beauty of the dribble down economic compass – it may appear to swing wildly to us non-parliamentarians, or even to be completely blocked up, but that’s only because we aren’t educated in the ways of good government …

And how friends do we get that elite education? We get ourselves elected to parliament, that’s how. As Dirty Dutton knows, ‘ya want to exercise your discretions, then ya get into the engine room with an unaccountable spanner’ … and the only crime for a poli, a MP, is not to be able to keep secrets from your constituents. Too right .. too right.

“By authorising the government to deal ruthlessly with whatever opinions there may be, you are giving it the right to interpret thought, to make inductions, in a nutshell to reason and to put its reasoning in the place of facts which ought to be the sole basis for government counteraction. This is to establish despotism with a free hand … The men to whom you entrust the right to judge opinions are quite as susceptible as others to being misled or corrupted, and the arbitrary power which you will have invested in them can be used against the most necessary truths as well as the most fatal errors.” – Benjamin Constant.

…. And that is the question; may we question and act? Or, have we finally nailed ourselves up in a pork-barrel for politicians to shake their honour at? No matter, the King’s back from his hols, and in full control – Australia is a rollin’!