Just to think that it wasn’t so very long ago that we could drink unclean water, unconsecrated water more correctly. Its true that only 100 years ago that water, although perhaps unclean, wasn’t full of the contaminants of progress; our plastic, insecticides, herbicides, our cast off wire and flaking chrome, our coal dust and heavy metal tailings and our dead and dying. Back then we had no need to see water as a basic human right. Back then we only thought of it as a necessity of life – much like our children’s future air.

Yes, I’m back listening to Suicide Radio and the justifications we make for the way of life of a small percentage of humanity. Last night, amid the chaos of land clearing and bushfires and dust storms … pet care, parental as anything lectures and shouting unhelpful politicians we were introduced to a Man of God who maintains that if we were to look at our water as a God given human right then everything would be hunky dory. Too right, too right, Old Coon Jazz would have agreed.

For a Man of God I’d say that this wasn’t exactly the worst way of advertising his faith as a ‘regeneration of the wonders of his God’s magnificent enterprise’. His God is obviously not the same God as our great and glorious King’s. Now me, not being suseptible to men’s Gods the thing that struck me most was the intro he received by the young host of that hour of power. (This I take it, is the sort of show our ABC is going to give us in lue of the Games of Peace next year.)

The intro; “Is water a human right,” he asks, “… you know, not just a commodity to be traded, bought and sold? In a moment I’m going to be speaking to somebody who reckons that it actually is!” This emphasis upon a sudden revelation that could save mankind and a very credulous emphasis it was. Being privileged, if that be the word, of being schooled a century ago I’m going to propose that, whether its a divinely ordained human right or not, its a necessity. And since, that in this day and age, what with our misplaced belief that we have a right to prolong the lives of obviously useless and suffering human beings and at the same time increase their sufferings in order to fulfill the will of Gods – that we say, ‘Life is a Human Right regardless of, and in spite of, its poor quality’ – we probably have a right to, while not necessarily clean, at least unpolluted water. These programs, on our new ABC, being interactive, allow for a certain amount of … Well, interaction from the public lucky enough to be able to tune into Pistol Pete’s State sponsored dribble. I’m at this moment, very lucky indeed.

Of course, interaction means all sorts of loopies getting to have their say, to muddy the waters if you like – as one would of course expect from a grim Democracy. This new ABC, this national broadcaster of Pistol Pete’s, sure lets the loopies have a good old say. Lots of the praise of God’s divine wisdom, lots of the scientific pointing out that water rights have nothing to do with drinking water and are in fact property rights. Water rights, we were informed last night, are designed neither to ensure healthy humans nor, in fact, to give firefighters a free reservior to protect other peoples homes and property from Acts of the Good King’s God … They’re designed to keep the economy strong. To keep those who can afford to pay for it, fed. It must be tough when you’ve forked out three quarters of million shmackers for your appointed representative to channel God’s water into your private dam to then have to watch while some great insect sucks the stuff back out of it just to go and bomb a lefties overgrown weed patch. So, our caller asks, “Do we get compensated for this?”

The Man of God, just slightly stumped by this question of moral economics, replies, “That God – not the King’s – will provide, and the compensation one receives is the love of God – not the King’s – and anyway,” says he, “in times like this you can be assured that we, all God’s Australian children are praying for you.”

… Which is just as well, thought I, because the King’s God doesn’t appear to be very happy with all the King’s children.

“There is no pretense by which I can disallow the authority of inference & deduction in one instance that will not justify a similar proceeding in every other. He that, in any case, willingly surrenders the use of his own understanding is condemned to remain forever at the beck of contingence and caprice, and is even bound in consistency no more to frame his course by the results of demonstration than by the wildest dreams of delirium and insanity.” – William Godwin.