Awfully crowded in the right armpit of God these days, ain’t it any wonder our King sits on the left. Tough Tony’s party sure sounded like a hoot last night … Ah, to have been another blowfly on the wall.

Reports are that Tough Tony’s thanked the King for ensuring, through the use of miracles, that his government goes down in history as the most progressive, and economical, the most procedurally thick bunch of bangers since Little Johnny waded in and corrupted the Republic Referendum in the late 1990s – them was the days … O yes, they were … those were the days.

Tough Tony says, that thanks to His Disgrace’s new age of miracles, he, Tough Tony, is no longer only going to be remembered as the crown of thorns in that godless pimp MalCon Turnbull’s Armani side, he’s now going to get credit for the King’s ascention too. Praise the Lord and give ‘im another sinicure please. (You’ve gotta admit he’s done an awefully good job with his First Nations one.)

However, back to real tough rule and some rather more pressing concerns for the King. His drought!

While the boys were partying, us droughters were tuned into Ole Suicide listening eagerly to the impact the King’s latest gifts to his voters, and us scum that doubt him, has on our children’s fundamental disbelief in science and progress. One of the King’s patrons, commentating on Junior’s economic science, says that they’re sick and tired of being offered worthless loans they won’t be able to pay even if they’re not welfare. She says that all that really matters is that the King gets off his arse and declares his drought an Act of God! Sheesh! I thought. … An Act of the good King’s God? … not bloody likely.

His Disgrace’s God would surely not punish the King’s supporters would She? Now, unemployment, sickness, shark attacks, Home Affairs etc .. these are Acts of God – just punishment for the sins of social conscience. But, droughts, bushfires and flooding rains? Whoa there, whoa … These things cannot be Acts of God – not the King’s God; surely She wouldn’t lay waste the land of the King’s own voters?

An ideological problem for the King because these Acts of God, these natural disasters, would only then be solved by another of the King’s miracles … And the King’s not exactly generous when it comes to handing out his miracles, is he! (Though I wouldn’t mind betting that there were quite a few of miracles being passed around under the tables and amongst the giggles at Tough Tony’s do.)

And just before the King entered that Mass of Crime last night, he declared that he was going to turn the tide and begin to pump water – not environmental water, he made that clear – back up the river from Adelaide. Good news for all! He’s also been offering free water to all his crony’s Queenslanders from out of the depths of the Murrumbidgee. All they gotta do is come and get it. Ah ha, finally we see the produce of his Drought Envoys turbid mind – and we doubted. Shame on us … good things do come to those who wait for their permissions. Of course Australia, being also the land of flooding rains and Barney the Dunce tending to overrun his briefs another thing that we can expect from the good King’s God, is floods. So we’d better all get cracking an take up this offer before these downpours meet the pumping uphill streams because sure as God made unemployment, left wing radicals, rotten apples and service providers, the King’s going to have to gift us all another publicly paid, and very expensive idiot envoy which we would be wise to consider … an Act of the good King’s God.

And these free loans? Perhaps the dosh would be better used to trench from Cairns to Encounter Bay – there’s jobs in that, though not much work as its all downhill.

Recently I’ve been chatting to a lovely young couple from the City of Churches – they’re taking their young children on a trip to see the world’s third most navigable river; which, they say, keeps disappearing into private property (and doesn’t ever seem to come back out!) – God bless em. Anyway, I asked them about their Desalination Plant. Well, choking back a spoonful of their Cotton Bubbles, they said that the King would have to produce another serious miracle if their Desalination Plant was going to manage to cope with both a drought and a flood at the very same time! Fear not for the little children’s future says I, our good King’s a man of endless miracles.

Meanwhile, no doubt, at Tough Tony’s the band played on …

Resorting to the ‘will of god’ to explain things whose natural causes they don’t understand or don’t wish to explain he calls, “the sanctuary of ignorance”. .. by contrast, ” one who seeks the true causes of miracles, and is eager, like an educated man, to understand natural things, not to wonder at them like a fool, is generally considered and denounced as an impious heretic by those whom the people honour as interpreters of nature and the gods. For they know that if ignorance is taken away, then foolish wonder, the only means they have of arguing and defending their authority is also taken away” – Benedict de Spinoza.