“Through tattered clothes small vices do appear;
Robes and furred gowns hide all.” – Shakespeare’s King Lear.

Prime minister Scott Morrison says his government has no plans … while talking up national employment figures, declaring “how good are jobs”.

“Not bad I’d imagine, if ya can scam one that ya get 500+ K a year for, bully other people and ruin a beautiful country with .. eh, eh .. wink wink nudge nudge, eh, King.”

The comments come as one of his backbenchers warn people will turn to crime if the welfare payment is not increased.

“Claptrap, codswallap and poppycock. This is fear-mongering again – divisive and provocative. Most people will not turn to crime, some people may have no other choice but I doubt that they will turn to crime willingly. Of, course that does depend on the definition of crime. It certainly ain’t art.”

Former Nationals leader Barnaby ‘Dunce’ Joyce said it was a “reality of life” that those attempting to get by on Newstart would “grow dope” or steal in order to make ends meet.

“Well growing dope isn’t that cheap, and then of course, you need to have people to sell it to who can afford it. Most people who grow dope, marijuana, just so we don’t starting to cofuse it with Ice or alcohol, grow it for their own use. Its far less destructive than alcohol, its natural, and has medicinal values, without the horrendous side effects of the legal drugs we’re forced into buying – just for the benefit of the government coffers.”

Barnaby Joyce backs Newstart raise, saying rate needs to reflect geography.

“Im tellin’ ya Barney, if you can afford to spend $50 a week on fuel, on Newstart, then you’ve sure got something goin’ on under the table, eh .. or up your sleeve. Wink wink nudge nudge .. eh, eh.”

But Morrison ruled out any change beyond the six-monthly indexation change, which last added just 30 cents a day to the $275.10 a week base payment, increasing it by just over $2. Though of course, he doesn’t apply the same principles to his pay increases …

“More importantly, for those who are on Newstart … well over 90%, about 99% per cent, of people who are on Newstart are actually on other forms of payments as well,” Morrison said.

“Oh, another lie, perhaps a miracle. What does he mean, ‘well over 90%’? Or, ‘99%’? It doesn’t really matter because its deceitful anyway. Its kingspeak.”

“It’s about getting people into jobs.” So says the King. Jobs, what are they? I suppose thats a definition to be defined too, like corruption. Jobs, unfortunately take away profit from the corporates .. so they don’t like giving them away – much cheaper to use technology, machines, machines don’t get sick, don’t get hurt, don’t complain, don’t get paid etc etc. Also, now in the New Australia, we can run our machines on coal, and we don’t have to watch them every minute of every day in case they are complaining or having fun or eating more than their fair share. May put Pistol Pete out of a job, but then as Ms Kenneally has pointed out, he doesn’t do this very well anyway … Not that any of us know exactly what his job is, since its a secret.

“Simplicity is a servant of Truth, and ought not for long to leave the side of her lady. But sometimes the goddess Necessity obliges her to wander in the direction of Dissimulation, so that Simplicity or Truth shall not be trampled underfoot, or to avoid some other evil. If she deceives with moderation and system she will also be able to deceive without error or wrong.” – Giordano Bruno.